Waiting To Die
Death is a big fear for most people. It doesn't matter what they think is on the Other Side, most of us don't want to leave our loved ones behind. There is an ache that comes with the thought of not being able to pick up a phone or popping in on the computer. Even when the other persona doesn't answer us right away, we can assume that they will get to it.
But that doesn't always happen, does it?
Sometimes, when we least expect it, Something whisks us Away. I remember Grandma Recobs had a heart attack and no one even knew she had a heart problem. Never mind that she was just under Grandpa Recob's age at nearly a century. I remember standing at the fence asking Grandpa Eddy if it was him, and feeling the shock of it being her. I also remember burying a 16 year old cousin who got hit by a bus. Yeah, that really happens.
And though we have those unexpected situations arise, we think we are more comfortable with the eventuality. As we age, the probability increases that we will reach the end of This Experience sooner rather than later. Don't you dare tell someone who has lost an aged loved one "They lead a good long life."! I don't care how old they are or even how "good" they were; if they were loved, it is never long enough! It is never "enough"!
So what do you do when you are given "an expiration date"? Cancer has become so common we know more people who are survivors than who have not. It is still a fearful word, but it is not the only thing out there with a predictable (though arguably) "expiration date". Pick a letter of the alphabet and you can find something someone is dying of.
Some would say we are all dying.
I have decided that they are right; we are all dying. It is not a fear of death that concerns us, it's fear of what we leave behind. We know not all our lessons have gone the way we had expected. We know someone will go through our possessions. We know we have not ended up the way we had hoped, for better or worse.
In a few days I leave to say good-bye for one last time. I don't know for certain that it will be, but it can be expected that I will not meet this person in the flesh again. I worry about those closest to them. I worry that none of them know how much they have mattered in my life, and so I go on a journey that scares the hell out of me!
I do not look forward to the good-bye, but I do look forward to the hello. In those few hours, I will have the opportunity to say things that will matter. There have been moments before like this; and in those moments, I did not Understand what Impact I could have. I do not think I really Know now, but I do know that I carry with me Hope.
It is not Hope for Life. The breaths are numbered, but the pain and suffering are great. It is Hope for a Legacy; not just that they will be Remembered, but some insight into how they will be Remembered. It is Hope for Comfort given when they cannot.
I do not Perceive Death as an End, but only as a Doorway to Something Different. Whatever is on the Other Side, I Know there is a Legacy We each leave Here. That Legacy is made up of Intentions, and things We never even realized were Observed. It is the way We Live, and the way We Leave. It is also in the way We Love.
I am afraid to die. I am afraid I will not have said everything I have to say. I am afraid I will Leave Behind Others who did not Know I Loved Them; I do not even ask that They Know how much! Worse, I am afraid that the Life I have given for the Principles I Believe in will be misUnderstood.
And so I continue to Share. I continue to worry. I continue to die. I also continue to Spread Hope. I do not have all The Answers, I don't even know all The Questions! I don't always behave the way I think I should, much less the way everyone else thinks I should. I try to keep My Priorities in the forefront, and steel my Heart against the misunderstandings I know will come, and my Spirit against those that will come when I cannot respond.
I take a deep breath. I look at My Life, and I Accept that I am Doing Well with What has been Given to Me. With Your help, I can only do even better.
But that doesn't always happen, does it?
Sometimes, when we least expect it, Something whisks us Away. I remember Grandma Recobs had a heart attack and no one even knew she had a heart problem. Never mind that she was just under Grandpa Recob's age at nearly a century. I remember standing at the fence asking Grandpa Eddy if it was him, and feeling the shock of it being her. I also remember burying a 16 year old cousin who got hit by a bus. Yeah, that really happens.
And though we have those unexpected situations arise, we think we are more comfortable with the eventuality. As we age, the probability increases that we will reach the end of This Experience sooner rather than later. Don't you dare tell someone who has lost an aged loved one "They lead a good long life."! I don't care how old they are or even how "good" they were; if they were loved, it is never long enough! It is never "enough"!
So what do you do when you are given "an expiration date"? Cancer has become so common we know more people who are survivors than who have not. It is still a fearful word, but it is not the only thing out there with a predictable (though arguably) "expiration date". Pick a letter of the alphabet and you can find something someone is dying of.
Some would say we are all dying.
I have decided that they are right; we are all dying. It is not a fear of death that concerns us, it's fear of what we leave behind. We know not all our lessons have gone the way we had expected. We know someone will go through our possessions. We know we have not ended up the way we had hoped, for better or worse.
In a few days I leave to say good-bye for one last time. I don't know for certain that it will be, but it can be expected that I will not meet this person in the flesh again. I worry about those closest to them. I worry that none of them know how much they have mattered in my life, and so I go on a journey that scares the hell out of me!
I do not look forward to the good-bye, but I do look forward to the hello. In those few hours, I will have the opportunity to say things that will matter. There have been moments before like this; and in those moments, I did not Understand what Impact I could have. I do not think I really Know now, but I do know that I carry with me Hope.
It is not Hope for Life. The breaths are numbered, but the pain and suffering are great. It is Hope for a Legacy; not just that they will be Remembered, but some insight into how they will be Remembered. It is Hope for Comfort given when they cannot.
I do not Perceive Death as an End, but only as a Doorway to Something Different. Whatever is on the Other Side, I Know there is a Legacy We each leave Here. That Legacy is made up of Intentions, and things We never even realized were Observed. It is the way We Live, and the way We Leave. It is also in the way We Love.
I am afraid to die. I am afraid I will not have said everything I have to say. I am afraid I will Leave Behind Others who did not Know I Loved Them; I do not even ask that They Know how much! Worse, I am afraid that the Life I have given for the Principles I Believe in will be misUnderstood.
And so I continue to Share. I continue to worry. I continue to die. I also continue to Spread Hope. I do not have all The Answers, I don't even know all The Questions! I don't always behave the way I think I should, much less the way everyone else thinks I should. I try to keep My Priorities in the forefront, and steel my Heart against the misunderstandings I know will come, and my Spirit against those that will come when I cannot respond.
I take a deep breath. I look at My Life, and I Accept that I am Doing Well with What has been Given to Me. With Your help, I can only do even better.