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Nightmares VS Bad Dreams
I am not surprised that my Meat Puppet is betraying me once again. First, I asked for it by marveling over my lack of pain. There are, indeed, some things I am superstitious about.
Like saying "What else can go wrong?" Don't do it. I can give you "for examples" that will make you cringe. I do when I hear people say it.
But then again, in Those Moments, I am watching for it; waiting for the Something Bad. So what happens when I wait for Something Good?
You'd be surprised what Something Good can mean. Right this very minute I can name close to ten Individuals who are about to be homeless. If not for My Dad and Step-Mom, we would be. Part of our reasons have to do with this Pain Monster I am learning to Battle, but part of it is the Current Economy; Circumstances are not for anyOne what They thought they would be.
When I was a child, I wanted a Very Best friend-now I have the Sorrows of Their Lives, and Their Children's, to Bear; to have One is a Great Thing, to have Two is Amazing, to have more is Better than any human Deserves. As deep as the Sorrow may run, so does the Love found in the Darkest of Places.
I have Stuff. I have so much Stuff, that I cannot begin to place it all. Most of it is not even mine, and much of it needs to be gotten rid of. My grandparents lived in one place for close to 50 years, gathering their Stuff, my Stuff, and the Stuff of Uncles, Aunts, and other previous generations. I have some help getting rid of (appropriately I hope) most of the Stuff, thanks to the hard work and Generosity of a few Friends. I even have a place to put the Stuff as I sort it.
I have been packing, sorting, moving, for MONTHS now! Maybe even years! As I do so, I am forced to go against my nature (Depression-istic hoarding) and eliminate so much Materialism from my life. Grandma Vi and I discussed that this is a good thing. (I'm not sure which of us is trying to convince the other.) We have Agreed that we have put too much Time, Effort, and Money into the Accumulation of Possessions, and this is part of Our Lesson to Learn to Be less Materialistic; Adjust Our Priorities.
I am being asked to reduce people I have known and loved to a few boxes before they are even gone! During my breaks from moving things up stairs (it's NEVER down any longer) I take a few minutes to Share the lives of my Friends. Things are not good.
So I move another box. I take another load. I climb more stairs with weight my body claims I probably should not have lifted. And I know I will not stop.
Perhaps it is because (I have been told) I have a chemical condition that makes me think I can accomplish more than is Realistic. Reality is EXACTLY what you make of it. It is what I make of it.
I cannot tell the cause of today's Pain, but I have several ideas. I know that, in the face of potential Depression, I have the ability to move forward. For as long as I can do so Physically, I will. When I lose that, I will continue to come to You, and my Klan, and I will Push Forward Emotionally.
And all the while, I will Gather My Being, and Send what Blessings I have Known out into the World. Things are Difficult, but We WILL make Them Better!
Like saying "What else can go wrong?" Don't do it. I can give you "for examples" that will make you cringe. I do when I hear people say it.
But then again, in Those Moments, I am watching for it; waiting for the Something Bad. So what happens when I wait for Something Good?
You'd be surprised what Something Good can mean. Right this very minute I can name close to ten Individuals who are about to be homeless. If not for My Dad and Step-Mom, we would be. Part of our reasons have to do with this Pain Monster I am learning to Battle, but part of it is the Current Economy; Circumstances are not for anyOne what They thought they would be.
When I was a child, I wanted a Very Best friend-now I have the Sorrows of Their Lives, and Their Children's, to Bear; to have One is a Great Thing, to have Two is Amazing, to have more is Better than any human Deserves. As deep as the Sorrow may run, so does the Love found in the Darkest of Places.
I have Stuff. I have so much Stuff, that I cannot begin to place it all. Most of it is not even mine, and much of it needs to be gotten rid of. My grandparents lived in one place for close to 50 years, gathering their Stuff, my Stuff, and the Stuff of Uncles, Aunts, and other previous generations. I have some help getting rid of (appropriately I hope) most of the Stuff, thanks to the hard work and Generosity of a few Friends. I even have a place to put the Stuff as I sort it.
I have been packing, sorting, moving, for MONTHS now! Maybe even years! As I do so, I am forced to go against my nature (Depression-istic hoarding) and eliminate so much Materialism from my life. Grandma Vi and I discussed that this is a good thing. (I'm not sure which of us is trying to convince the other.) We have Agreed that we have put too much Time, Effort, and Money into the Accumulation of Possessions, and this is part of Our Lesson to Learn to Be less Materialistic; Adjust Our Priorities.
I am being asked to reduce people I have known and loved to a few boxes before they are even gone! During my breaks from moving things up stairs (it's NEVER down any longer) I take a few minutes to Share the lives of my Friends. Things are not good.
So I move another box. I take another load. I climb more stairs with weight my body claims I probably should not have lifted. And I know I will not stop.
Perhaps it is because (I have been told) I have a chemical condition that makes me think I can accomplish more than is Realistic. Reality is EXACTLY what you make of it. It is what I make of it.
I cannot tell the cause of today's Pain, but I have several ideas. I know that, in the face of potential Depression, I have the ability to move forward. For as long as I can do so Physically, I will. When I lose that, I will continue to come to You, and my Klan, and I will Push Forward Emotionally.
And all the while, I will Gather My Being, and Send what Blessings I have Known out into the World. Things are Difficult, but We WILL make Them Better!