Click here to Introduction
Discovery
I tend to learn something new every day, but yesterday was full of revelations about me. Well, not just about me, but about the way I impact others.
If you've been keeping up, you've heard me preach about the need for humanity as individuals to realize that they impact others even though they don't know they are doing so. Sometimes, usually when I least expect it, I discover exactly how I impact others.
This time it was a third party observation of a conversation I had about Fibromyalgea. It's not that I didn't know they were listening, and as it took place I realized that my own observations and behaviors were making an impact on the person I was speaking to, but when the other person finally spoke up, it was alike a bomb went off in my heart.
As much as I love my family, there are some with whom I am not as close as I think I should be. I honestly think some folks visit more out of duty than desire, but then we have these amazing conversations, or they make a statement that reveals my misconception. In this particular case, it took nearly 40 years to realize that I really do matter.
I am not sure if I matter because of that duty we grew up with, but I do know that, whatever there was, now I am making a difference. I often write without knowing if it even matters, or I speak and think the other person hears something akin to Charlie Brown's teacher. Yesterday was quite different.
I have been feeling exceptionally bad the past few weeks, partly because of the flu (which is complected by the fibro) and significant changes in the lives of others I care about. Though I have been gradually regaining my health, my energies were still feeling exceptionally drained. Caring about people the way that I do, I didn't find this surprising.
Just as I did not find surprising the overwhelming negativity at the DMV as I re-newed my license. As a survivor of PTSD and social anxiety, I probably should have thought it through better before I took on that task alone. In spite of the wisdom other people associate with me, I went alone anyway, and I even got exactly what I expected, including the beginnings of a panic attack as well as the negativity from every side of the counter.
But I am greater than any weakness within me, and my awareness makes me more powerful than the miasma that can gather in such places. Instead of giving in to the tears and shakes, I closed my eyes and believed! I believed that the positivity that I carried within my was greater, and in my mind I sent it forth to conquer the negativity that surrounded me. I walked out tired, but empowered.
This may have been why the following conversation was so fruitful, or maybe it was just the ability to share that specific experience with someone who was not only receptive, but in need. We all have needs somewhere in our lives, and none of us have exactly the same belief system. The people I was with come at life from a very different point of view than mine, but share some very specific problems.
It still amazes me that something I say or do is respected knowledge by others, rather they are peers or my elders. As great as I believe I can be, I do not see myself as anything special; odd, to be certain, but not fantastic or amazing. Yet there was before me proof of that very thing.
When someone you think loves you out of duty and tolerates your opinions out of love says they wished they could have videotaped your conversation because of the understandings revealed, you start to see yourself differently.
When someone you rarely hear from shares secrets of their heart in a rare moment of physical confrontation, you see your world differently.
There is nothing special about me, that is not within you. I observe, I share, I make choices. I am no different than than most people. What is different is the way I allow a moment to impact me, and how I turn that impact upon others. It is an awareness that only some are coming to.
This awareness makes some people ill, just as it did me until I accepted the power of it. It is not that my goodness overcomes some sort of evil, but that my awareness and subsequent choices are more powerful than a simple state of being. Most of us hope to simply exist from one day to the next. To breath and not make anyone we love unhappy is enough.
But it is not enough!
It is imperative that you gather to you your own awareness. In this, you are given the power to right wrongs and to save lives. Or to interfere with them, yes, but that is about choice. Those who hear my words will not choose the negative. IN your awareness you will see that. You will see that every breath is a choice, and your reception and projection is a choice. Whatever else is out there, or even within, your personal awareness can overcome.
This does not make life any easier to live. In fact, I think it makes it harder at times, because you know that you can inflict your choices on others only so far. But when you make those choices , and then project them with direction and determination, you change worlds, one spirit at a time.
If you've been keeping up, you've heard me preach about the need for humanity as individuals to realize that they impact others even though they don't know they are doing so. Sometimes, usually when I least expect it, I discover exactly how I impact others.
This time it was a third party observation of a conversation I had about Fibromyalgea. It's not that I didn't know they were listening, and as it took place I realized that my own observations and behaviors were making an impact on the person I was speaking to, but when the other person finally spoke up, it was alike a bomb went off in my heart.
As much as I love my family, there are some with whom I am not as close as I think I should be. I honestly think some folks visit more out of duty than desire, but then we have these amazing conversations, or they make a statement that reveals my misconception. In this particular case, it took nearly 40 years to realize that I really do matter.
I am not sure if I matter because of that duty we grew up with, but I do know that, whatever there was, now I am making a difference. I often write without knowing if it even matters, or I speak and think the other person hears something akin to Charlie Brown's teacher. Yesterday was quite different.
I have been feeling exceptionally bad the past few weeks, partly because of the flu (which is complected by the fibro) and significant changes in the lives of others I care about. Though I have been gradually regaining my health, my energies were still feeling exceptionally drained. Caring about people the way that I do, I didn't find this surprising.
Just as I did not find surprising the overwhelming negativity at the DMV as I re-newed my license. As a survivor of PTSD and social anxiety, I probably should have thought it through better before I took on that task alone. In spite of the wisdom other people associate with me, I went alone anyway, and I even got exactly what I expected, including the beginnings of a panic attack as well as the negativity from every side of the counter.
But I am greater than any weakness within me, and my awareness makes me more powerful than the miasma that can gather in such places. Instead of giving in to the tears and shakes, I closed my eyes and believed! I believed that the positivity that I carried within my was greater, and in my mind I sent it forth to conquer the negativity that surrounded me. I walked out tired, but empowered.
This may have been why the following conversation was so fruitful, or maybe it was just the ability to share that specific experience with someone who was not only receptive, but in need. We all have needs somewhere in our lives, and none of us have exactly the same belief system. The people I was with come at life from a very different point of view than mine, but share some very specific problems.
It still amazes me that something I say or do is respected knowledge by others, rather they are peers or my elders. As great as I believe I can be, I do not see myself as anything special; odd, to be certain, but not fantastic or amazing. Yet there was before me proof of that very thing.
When someone you think loves you out of duty and tolerates your opinions out of love says they wished they could have videotaped your conversation because of the understandings revealed, you start to see yourself differently.
When someone you rarely hear from shares secrets of their heart in a rare moment of physical confrontation, you see your world differently.
There is nothing special about me, that is not within you. I observe, I share, I make choices. I am no different than than most people. What is different is the way I allow a moment to impact me, and how I turn that impact upon others. It is an awareness that only some are coming to.
This awareness makes some people ill, just as it did me until I accepted the power of it. It is not that my goodness overcomes some sort of evil, but that my awareness and subsequent choices are more powerful than a simple state of being. Most of us hope to simply exist from one day to the next. To breath and not make anyone we love unhappy is enough.
But it is not enough!
It is imperative that you gather to you your own awareness. In this, you are given the power to right wrongs and to save lives. Or to interfere with them, yes, but that is about choice. Those who hear my words will not choose the negative. IN your awareness you will see that. You will see that every breath is a choice, and your reception and projection is a choice. Whatever else is out there, or even within, your personal awareness can overcome.
This does not make life any easier to live. In fact, I think it makes it harder at times, because you know that you can inflict your choices on others only so far. But when you make those choices , and then project them with direction and determination, you change worlds, one spirit at a time.