Click here to Introduction
The Need for Security
How does one move forward with mental healing when one's safety is threatened by those who are supposed to help with healing? Humans have a few basic needs, in spite of their culture; things like nourishment and shelter. This is a concept we can all understand and agree upon. But did you know that when a human's security is in question, these basic needs cannot be adequately met?
Dr. E. Mark Cummings, in one of his several studies on the socio-emotional development of children, discovered that, if one's sense of security is threatened, one will deny oneself other psychological needs. A perfect example can be found in neglected children who have access to food, but it is their malnourishment that is the visual factor that leads to the discovery of neglect. Dr. Cummings' study that comes up over and over again in social sciences, and I knew of it before my little adventure, however something inside me questioned the validity of it. After all, once the Basic Needs are met, Security will automatically follow.
Not so.
I have not known Hunger since leaving NetCare. I haven't been all that interested in food anyway. I've neither been overly hot nor overly cold. I've not had to bear the elements at all, being tucked away in a house or car when the rains have come. I've had clothes for my back and shoes for my feet, but does any of it matter?
No.
Without the feeling of security, nothing matters.
Let me repeat that: Without the feeling of security, nothing matters. There's more here than understanding that humans need safety. If you understand anything from today's blurb, You really must understand that it's more than about security, it is an individual's perception of their security.
Perception is just as important to consider as reality. In fact, in this case it is more important.
I am perfectly safe. Well, maybe not perfectly. We do live in a questionable part of town, and society being what it is these days, even the "best" neighborhoods have tragedies, so realistically, I am pretty safe even if it's not perfect. My husband is near me, and I value my place in this world enough to risk it in order to guarantee it. Today is a good day.
The moment I hear someone else's voice, the moment Bill pulls out of the drive, the moment I step into a building other than my own home I begin to panic. My stomach tightens so that my bellybutton gets sharp pains. My right side begins to ache like someone is trying to remove my last rib. I usually don't actually throw up, but sometimes I wonder.
These are physical reactions to an emotional perception. These are the kinds of things that help me know my mind is much more powerful than I can control. But I can control it. I can control my perceptions. I may not have all the answers, but I have some of them, and if I don't apply them to myself, then I really do have no useful purpose.
And so I observe myself. I try to not judge, even though I feel stupid knowing that I am being held captive by my own mind. I also know that being human means constantly evolving; constantly learning and adapting. I am not perfect, and so I will look at my situation and try to discover what it is I am to learn from this experience. There is something in my life that is so off balance, it has caused this great disruption. If I look at my life; how I spend my days in relationship to what I say my priorities are, I should see where the balance has shifted.
And so I begin to adjust my own perception. This experience is not the punishment I could make it. I have tried to take my emotional perspective out of it, but that doesn't mean I have ignored the emotional significance of the event. I know and understand that I was terrorized. Why? What made that situation so much worse for me; my perception.
Understand I'm not saying that I am embarking on an easy journey. I know emotions often take control when it's rather important that they not. For some of us, learning to live with our emotions is what makes this existence so difficult. But it can be done! Being among the walking wounded doesn't have to mean you are still a victim. We choose how we will perceive things. These setbacks simply give us the opportunity to strengthen our abilities and to live as a witness.
I have seen that I have lost my balance when it comes to trust in others; faith in the relationships; security. Until my little adventure, I thought I had addressed most of the experiences of my youth and overcame any obstacles created then. Boy was I wrong! I didn't understand that my inability to trust others was a direct result of spending so much time in a situation where I was not only uncomfortable and greatly unhappy, but had no control over my life at all.
I waited for thirteen years to be able to make my own choices, then I took twenty years to understand I was making my choices based on fear of losing control. My friends and family have joked over the years at my need to be in charge of everything and my "OCD" behaviors. It doesn't seem nearly as humorous when I realize why I behave that way.
I understand the basic human need for security. It is one of life's great examples of balance that for some of us it takes losing something to understand its true worth. I even lost the fake sense of security I had been walking around with.
So what does it mean to be secure? Dr Cummings established that security goes beyond our basic needs. Life's experiences have taught us that security is a matter of Individual perception. In order to establish a definition for security, we have to look at the individual requiring it.
Each human, being in general ways similar, but specifically different based on their chemical make up and their personal experiences, We each have unique requirements. Just because my dad and uncle grew up in the same house, does not mean that they will have exactly the same priorities, and that is precisely where to start with any kind of healing
Dr. E. Mark Cummings, in one of his several studies on the socio-emotional development of children, discovered that, if one's sense of security is threatened, one will deny oneself other psychological needs. A perfect example can be found in neglected children who have access to food, but it is their malnourishment that is the visual factor that leads to the discovery of neglect. Dr. Cummings' study that comes up over and over again in social sciences, and I knew of it before my little adventure, however something inside me questioned the validity of it. After all, once the Basic Needs are met, Security will automatically follow.
Not so.
I have not known Hunger since leaving NetCare. I haven't been all that interested in food anyway. I've neither been overly hot nor overly cold. I've not had to bear the elements at all, being tucked away in a house or car when the rains have come. I've had clothes for my back and shoes for my feet, but does any of it matter?
No.
Without the feeling of security, nothing matters.
Let me repeat that: Without the feeling of security, nothing matters. There's more here than understanding that humans need safety. If you understand anything from today's blurb, You really must understand that it's more than about security, it is an individual's perception of their security.
Perception is just as important to consider as reality. In fact, in this case it is more important.
I am perfectly safe. Well, maybe not perfectly. We do live in a questionable part of town, and society being what it is these days, even the "best" neighborhoods have tragedies, so realistically, I am pretty safe even if it's not perfect. My husband is near me, and I value my place in this world enough to risk it in order to guarantee it. Today is a good day.
The moment I hear someone else's voice, the moment Bill pulls out of the drive, the moment I step into a building other than my own home I begin to panic. My stomach tightens so that my bellybutton gets sharp pains. My right side begins to ache like someone is trying to remove my last rib. I usually don't actually throw up, but sometimes I wonder.
These are physical reactions to an emotional perception. These are the kinds of things that help me know my mind is much more powerful than I can control. But I can control it. I can control my perceptions. I may not have all the answers, but I have some of them, and if I don't apply them to myself, then I really do have no useful purpose.
And so I observe myself. I try to not judge, even though I feel stupid knowing that I am being held captive by my own mind. I also know that being human means constantly evolving; constantly learning and adapting. I am not perfect, and so I will look at my situation and try to discover what it is I am to learn from this experience. There is something in my life that is so off balance, it has caused this great disruption. If I look at my life; how I spend my days in relationship to what I say my priorities are, I should see where the balance has shifted.
And so I begin to adjust my own perception. This experience is not the punishment I could make it. I have tried to take my emotional perspective out of it, but that doesn't mean I have ignored the emotional significance of the event. I know and understand that I was terrorized. Why? What made that situation so much worse for me; my perception.
Understand I'm not saying that I am embarking on an easy journey. I know emotions often take control when it's rather important that they not. For some of us, learning to live with our emotions is what makes this existence so difficult. But it can be done! Being among the walking wounded doesn't have to mean you are still a victim. We choose how we will perceive things. These setbacks simply give us the opportunity to strengthen our abilities and to live as a witness.
I have seen that I have lost my balance when it comes to trust in others; faith in the relationships; security. Until my little adventure, I thought I had addressed most of the experiences of my youth and overcame any obstacles created then. Boy was I wrong! I didn't understand that my inability to trust others was a direct result of spending so much time in a situation where I was not only uncomfortable and greatly unhappy, but had no control over my life at all.
I waited for thirteen years to be able to make my own choices, then I took twenty years to understand I was making my choices based on fear of losing control. My friends and family have joked over the years at my need to be in charge of everything and my "OCD" behaviors. It doesn't seem nearly as humorous when I realize why I behave that way.
I understand the basic human need for security. It is one of life's great examples of balance that for some of us it takes losing something to understand its true worth. I even lost the fake sense of security I had been walking around with.
So what does it mean to be secure? Dr Cummings established that security goes beyond our basic needs. Life's experiences have taught us that security is a matter of Individual perception. In order to establish a definition for security, we have to look at the individual requiring it.
Each human, being in general ways similar, but specifically different based on their chemical make up and their personal experiences, We each have unique requirements. Just because my dad and uncle grew up in the same house, does not mean that they will have exactly the same priorities, and that is precisely where to start with any kind of healing
You can follow Taunta Beanie on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/TauntaTBTaylor or e-mail her at [email protected] For more about her or to read her other work go to www.TauntaBeanie.com